the life you have is completely yours

Just for Fun, Lifestyle/Personal, Uncategorized

“But your task is to become something much more unique and surprising than anyone your parents could ever imagine you to be. You have to know that the life you have is completely yours.”  — THE GIRL WHO WAS SATURDAY NIGHT

I like to think that many years ago on a cold, snowy day as my dad watched T.V. and my mum crocheted a blanket, I sat on the floor with my sister and picked up a book. As I flipped through the pages and made up my own stories, both of my parents smiled and said “Yep, she’s going to be a great writer some day — or at very least, an avid reader”. That didn’t happen and I’m unsure if my parents ever stood over my crib and took a guess at who or what I was going to become.

I think the hardest part of growing up and becoming an adult isn’t getting my career started or getting out of the pizza place, it’s being Me. It’s forgetting about all of those outside factors, the opinions of others, the welcome and unwelcome advice, the negative comments or generalizations and simply being myself. I’m indecisive and I struggle with making decisions because I let so many other outside factors effect them. I’m always concerned about how any decision effects everyone else around me, I wonder and wonder if I can do certain things, and I second guess myself a lot. Maybe that’s why I am where I am right now.

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This life is completely and totally mine and I have to start acting like it. I’m going to start doing what I want to do, I am going to speak up and air my thoughts.

I am not going to let my fear stop me, I’m not going remain in unhappy atmospheres surrounded by unhappy people.

I’m going to take risks and make mistakes, but they’re mine.

And it’s okay because nothing is permanent, not even pain.

 

Talk soon,

Vanessa Xo

 

i saw the sign

Just for Fun, Lifestyle/Personal

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Sometimes things happen that you can’t explain. Moments occur that leave you curious, shocked, and with a perpetual look of confusion on your face. At work the other day I said something to a customer (an older George Clooney kind of man) about how women usually listen to their friend’s orders and follow their lead, not men. He replied with big eyes and lifted brows, “It’s 2014 — don’t get stuck thinking like that. This is Bolton, those people patterns don’t stick anywhere else. You need to get to the city, then maybe to London, see other places. Don’t get stuck in this kind of thinking — it’s just Bolton.”

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Am I THAT transparent? I served this man his pizza feeling utterly naked, completely stripped to the core with nowhere to run or hide. I have never felt so naive or narrow-minded in my life. Maybe I’m reading too much into this but when a first-time customer drops a mind-blowing bomb like that, you can’t help but take notice. Could this be a sign? A BIG RED STOP SIGN APPEARING OUT OF THIN AIR (OR AIR THAT SMELLS LIKE A COOKED PIZZA)? I THINK IT IS!

“You are doing all right. You are a good little soldier. You are feeling sad now because it is wartime. You are engaged in the greatest battle of them all: the battle to be yourself. It is the ugliest battle.”

— THE GIRL WHO WAS SATURDAY NIGHT

Talk soon,

Vanessa Xo