“When you feel envy and wish you were someone else, remember you that you have to take the whole life.”
– Who Named the Knife by Linda Spalding
It’s terrifyingly easy to become envious of someone else’s life. It’s easy to get so caught up in what others are doing (especially with all of this social media, sharing, and documenting) that you lose sight of your own dreams and wishes. I’ve written about this before and I’ll probably write about it again because it’s something that scares me a lot. When you can’t see the finish line or you feel like many people are sprinting faster than you (even though you’re working just as hard), self-doubt will sweep you up on its dark cloud and suffocate you. You can’t let that happen. Keep sprinting even when your lungs give out. No matter how many people pass you, keep sprinting.
If you look far enough into the distance you’ll realize that they aren’t gunning for the same finish line as you.
At some point the track branches off and we all have our own path to follow.
Your finish line is yours and yours alone.
I’ve made promises to people and kept them; I’ve also made promises to people and not kept them. I’ve pinky-promised, pinky-swore, and crossed my heart and hoped to die, stuck a needle in my eye (didn’t realize how disturbing that ‘poem’ is until now).
The most important promises I’ve ever made (and kept) have been to myself. I write lists upon lists of promises to myself, of things do, of places to go, of new things to try, of books to read, and of novels to write. I’ve also made promises inside my head (but I ain’t crazayyy) of the woman I want to be, the person I want to become.
Have I kept those promises?
My heart says that I haven’t, not always, and not to the best of my ability. My head says I’m still young and there is plenty of time to change or to stay the same. They both agree that I can become the person I’ve always aspired to be, I just need to put in a little more elbow-grease.
My head and my heart are screaming,
“VANESSA, DON’T MAKE PROMISES YOU DON’T INTEND TO KEEP!”