Bursting the Bubble [Week 10]

Bursting the Bubble

This week on Bursting the Bubble I want tell show you a few things. I’ve been told that Toronto is beautiful in the summer. I, being the weird-ish Italian girl from up North (a co-worker’s description not my own), have never experienced it and took this week to find said beauty.

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You’re right, Toronto is beautiful in the summer and I thoroughly enjoy coming downtown to work every single day. However, you can take the girl out of the suburb but you can’t take the suburb out of the girl — THIS girl anyways. As much as I love becoming “so-Toronto” (my best friend’s description not my own), I love being “so-Bolton” too. I love coming home, to my little town with big houses, green lawns, large fields, and a vast clear sky. I always assumed that I’d want to live downtown, right in the heart of the city but this internship has taught me otherwise. I want to WORK in the city and LIVE in the suburbs — reasonably close to a subway station if possible. It would be experiencing the best of both worlds, my two favourite worlds. The hustle and bustle of the city, the loud and always delayed subway, the many many faces rushing to work in the morning, and then the quiet picturesque scenes of Bolton, the long roads leading nowhere, and the calm constant breeze with its tiny hint of manure.

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Thanks to this internship I’m learning more about myself and what I want out of life. I feel myself growing, changing, and becoming a little more independent. I’m finding it easier to be honest with myself, to relax, and to get things done. There are so many little things I’m finding out about myself, like the fact that I genuinely like people. I like talking to them, I like helping them, I like being social — this coming from a girl who would lie to her friends to avoid going to parties. Apparently this once shy and immensely quiet girl is capable of socializing and interacting with people on many different levels.

Maybe I’m coming out of my shell a bit more, maybe I’ve found a grain of confidence, who knows?

Regardless, I’m loving it.

I feel more like myself now than ever before.

Love Always

Vanessa Xo

when my breathing stopped

Categories, Family Time, Just for Fun, Lifestyle/Personal

20130612-200345.jpgWe’d been stopped in the subway tunnel for 15 minutes when my breathing stopped. My heart was being crushed under immense pressure. My lungs – well they said a sweet toodle-oo with a great big eff you! At that point I put up the volume of my music and rested my head on my bag. With my eyes closed I felt a little bit better, in spite of the fact that the B.O. of the man in front of me found its way into my nostrils.

Apparently I can’t handle being confined and helpless. When the train began moving again my head spun, my stomach convulsed, and I nearly lost my composure. For over an hour I was stuck on that train. The train that toyed with my emotions: Go. Stop. Wait. Go. Go. Stop. Wait. Wait. Go slowly. Stop. I could sense the annoyance mount in the other passengers. I saw the roll of their eyes every time the driver explained about the signaling problems and apologized for the inconvenience.

All I kept thinking was; Breathe, Vanessa. Breathe. Don’t get anxious over something you literally have no control over. You think the driver WANTS to be stopped? No. Breathe. You’ll get home eventually. Calm down and take a nap. That mantra (thanks MOM!) was the only thing that kept me from experiencing a full-blown anxiety attack that night.

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Funny how that all happened on my way home, just after I tweeted: Potential is one of my favourite words. To me it’s hopeful and optimistic; attainable and reachable. Each day has the potential of turning out wonderful or completely shitty. Most things you have no control over but you DO have control over how you react to certain things, which is why I still ended up having a pretty okay evening. I didn’t spend my night complaining about the TTC or that I got home late. I went on with my night as if nothing happened. I wrote a little, worked out, ate a handful (or two) of my mom’s homemade chocolate almonds – the ones I’m not supposed to eat because they’re for my sister’s baby shower (#Sorry #NoI’mNot). Then I climbed into bed and let my mind wander.

I thought about all the wonderful things that could happen. I thought about potential and let the word swim around in my mind. I thought about taking up photography. I thought about taking writing classes. I thought about the novel I’m slowly working on (or maybe it’s a short story). I thought about becoming an aunt. I thought about traveling: New York, England, Italy, and Paris – I’m coming for you. I thought about marriage. I thought about family. I thought about love. I thought about change. I thought about work. I thought about words. I thought about time and reminded myself that all good things can’t come at once — no matter how hard you work for them.

I thought good thoughts and woke up with a smile.

Love Always

Vanessa Xo