Summertime Sadness?

Lifestyle/Personal

I’ve yet to find sadness in this beautiful summer that we’re having, what I’m finding is quite the opposite. Not only summertime happiness, but hope, choices, and wonder as well. At this stage of my life I’m fortunate enough to have my options open. I could be a freelance writer, continue to look for a job in publishing, I could learn SEO and become an SEO specialist, or even go back to school to become a librarian technician (seriously I’ve been considering it). I could also take a break from all of these life decisions and travel. The trouble is that the more options I have, the more stressed out I feel. I received a wonderful email from a fellow writer and blogger (Not A Model) who noticed how down I’ve been about job hunting and simply advised me to try not to sweat it too much! 

It’s so difficult to enjoy anything when your mind is in stressed-out-over-drive. There is no way I would have enjoyed date-night at Astoria if my thoughts were on my poor interviewing skills or whether I will ever find a job that I really want. There is a slim chance that I would have enjoyed my cousin’s baby shower if I was focussing on my next step. There is an even slimmer chance that I would have enjoyed my first jog of the summer if I had been thinking back to my last interview “disaster” rather than singing along to the music on my iPod. I wouldn’t have felt the blood pumping or my calves strengthening or the oxygen running through my veins. I wouldn’t have run as hard as I did, I wouldn’t be breathing as heavily, nor would I have noticed the warmth of the sun on my back.

So even in the dead heat of summer, I’ll try not to sweat it…

Talk soon,

Vanessa Xo

you were created to be victorious

Book Reviews, Lifestyle/Personal

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Pinterest has been a beacon of hope for me lately — funny, witty, and inspiring quotes are what I’m drawn to and I’ve yet to be disappointed. The quote above stuck with me hours after reading it, so I thought I would share it with you. If you keep up with my blog or better yet know me personally, you’ll know that I am going through a bit of a 20-something-crisis (is too a thing!). As I look back on my mentor sessions with Casie Stewart, my internship recaps with Random House, and other projects I’ve worked on, I’m trying to find my focus again. I’m trying to figure out exactly what I want so that I can take the necessary steps to get it. I’ve even reread that post on Not A Model Blog to see if I can understand what Amanda saw in me that day.

She has an exuberant, uncynical view of life that is extremely rare in young people, like finding a constellation in the sky in the shape of Ryan Gosling’s face…There is no FOMO for her; no desire to be at some crowded, fake event or win a popularity contest. She’s honest, and you can see no fear in her lovely almond-shaped golden eyes.

Who is she talking about? Where did that girl go?

The problem: every single time I am asked what I want to do or where I see myself or what I would do if money/family/location wasn’t an issue, I draw a blank. I can’t. I don’t know. I blank. I see white. I see myself standing on a dirt road, staring out into a thick white fog, not sure if I’m going forward or backward, not sure where I am or what I’m doing. I’m in construction boots and jeans with a thick sweater on, staring out into a white abyss. I haven’t let out a breath in quite some time and as I hike my shoulders closer to my ears a tension headache starts to form. And just as I take a step forward my daydream lifts and I’m more confused than ever.

but it’s okay. this too shall pass. i’ll figure it out.

Talk soon,

Vanessa Xo

Photo Credit: Pinterest 

Kindred Spirits

Just for Fun, Lifestyle/Personal, Toronto Adventures

So, I finally met up with the ever wonderful and super inspiring Amanda DiPasquale from Not A Model Blog. We’ve been meaning to meet up for ages and finally that day came. On a sticky and humid Thursday we met for lunch at St.Lawrence Market and chatted about books and writing. It was so nice talking to a fellow writer, reader, dreamer, and blogger. One who can listen to my corny stories and appreciate them. One who can quote lines from books I’ve read and understand what it feels like to love (and sometimes hate) being a writer. One of those people who remind you why you write, who remind you that it’s okay to be sensitive to your surroundings, that it’s okay to analyze things — that’s why you’re a writer. I don’t often come across a person I can really relate to, a person with similar ambitions, and even though our stories are different I feels as though I’ve found a kindred spirit in Amanda. I think that’s why I love her blog posts so much, I can always find something relatable and inspiring.

Our conversation left me feeling incredibly motivated to go after what I want and I appreciate all of her advice. It also got me back on track with my blog, it reminded me WHY I started it in the first place, and I promise to bring it back to where I want it to be.

Thanks for the wonderful conversation Amanda; I’m really looking forward to working with you soon!

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Love Always

Vanessa Xo

Shh shh shh… it’s the winds of change

Categories, Just for Fun, Toronto Adventures

 

Reading Not A Model’s latest blog post about change has really got me thinking about how I deal with change. Let me start by saying I’ve had the same job since I was sixteen, I didn’t live on residence during university, and the biggest changes in my life are simply a result of someone else’s decision (i.e. my sister getting married and moving out).

Not A Model’s biggest fear in change is the before; just the hint of the thought of change nauseates me. Changing my blog’s appearance or its content, changing my style or the frames of my glasses, changing the paint that covers my bedroom walls, or the colour of polish shining on my nails – I don’t even think twice. Thinking about applying for a job in a faraway city, or renting a place downtown and living on my own, or even taking a solo trip to New York leaves me breathless. No really, I am hyperventilating as I write this. So it would seem that only completely life-altering changes scare me… at least I’ve narrowed it down? 

And now it’s written, my greatest fear is forever on the Internet for you to see.

I can’t let it haunt me – I need to make a change.

Love Always
Vanessa Xo

Shh shh shh… it's the winds of change

Categories, Just for Fun, Toronto Adventures

 

Reading Not A Model’s latest blog post about change has really got me thinking about how I deal with change. Let me start by saying I’ve had the same job since I was sixteen, I didn’t live on residence during university, and the biggest changes in my life are simply a result of someone else’s decision (i.e. my sister getting married and moving out).

Not A Model’s biggest fear in change is the before; just the hint of the thought of change nauseates me. Changing my blog’s appearance or its content, changing my style or the frames of my glasses, changing the paint that covers my bedroom walls, or the colour of polish shining on my nails – I don’t even think twice. Thinking about applying for a job in a faraway city, or renting a place downtown and living on my own, or even taking a solo trip to New York leaves me breathless. No really, I am hyperventilating as I write this. So it would seem that only completely life-altering changes scare me… at least I’ve narrowed it down? 

And now it’s written, my greatest fear is forever on the Internet for you to see.

I can’t let it haunt me – I need to make a change.

Love Always
Vanessa Xo