By “IT” I mean the Internet. I mean the hours I spend online or on my phone tweeting, updating my Facebook status, and scrolling through an endless amount of Instagram photos. Sometimes I sit and stare at a blank WordPress post and wonder: should I write about this? Do people care? Why should they? Do I WANT to share this? Sometimes my blogging seems so vain, who really cares what is going on in the life of Vanessa Grillone? Sometimes I just want to shut it all down, log out of everything, go outside and read a book, or take a trip without feeling the need to document it. I remember what it was like to not have the Internet, to not have my phone attached to me. I actually wrote, in notebooks, every single day. I wrote stories. I created worlds. I wrote — probably better than I do now. I had time to feel things, to let my emotions take over, to think about things and write them down instead of tweeting it 3.5 seconds after it occurred. Sometimes I think the Internet is too fast for me. It gives me this anxious sort of high, like I’m hyper all the time. Remember when riding your bike gave you that same kind of high?
But wait, I like documenting. It feels good to get a comment on a post, or a Retweet, or a “Like” on one of my photos. I like it. Don’t you?
I’ve read articles that state how social media and constant online presence can hinder your emotional state. It can actually depress you. I’m not depressed by the Internet or social media or my constant use of it, I’m just at the point of wondering, what else is out there? I don’t plan on not posting anymore, I don’t plan on cancelling my Twitter or deleting my Instagram account but I think I might take a little INTER-WEB DETOX once in a while.
Sometimes it just gets to be too much for me.
The most difficult thing about blogging (writing) is staying true to the voice of your blog. It’s difficult to stay true to the brand you created when there are so many other blogs and brands to be intimidated by. I created this blog as a space for my personal thoughts, as a space to practice and improve my writing, as a place to learn more about myself, as a place to share great books. Admittedly I’ve lost sight of my voice a couple of times. Sometimes I didn’t even recognize the woman holding the pen, I didn’t hear my own nasally soften-spoken voice when I read my posts over again. The important thing is that I noticed and I put myself back on track.
Another difficult part of blogging (writing) is privacy — what do you share? What do you keep to yourself? I’ve had people tell me that they follow my blog in a tone that makes me feel like they know more about me than I think they do. I’ve had people tell me that I should be careful. That my generation doesn’t know the importance of privacy. Well, that’s what social media is, letting people into your life, into your home. It’s scary how BIG social media has become in my life, I’m even applying for jobs with SOCIAL MEDIA in their description.
Sometimes I sit back and think oh my gosh, I’m sharing my thoughts with who knows how many people. On top of that it’s on the INTERNET, FOREVER. After the initial nausea from that thought subsides, I allow myself to think other thoughts. My Pen, My Voice is a brand. It is a brand that I created. It’s ME, it’s who I am and what I represent BUT I get to choose what I share. Along with this blog I have two other notebooks with me at all times. One is a diary and one is the rough beginnings of my novel — neither of which I share on my blog.
I think people forget that there’s a person behind a blog, a twitter account, an Instagram account etc and what they share is only fraction of their lives. They let you see what they want you to see.
I am my truest self when I write.
I write with honesty, intention, passion, and determination, but please don’t forget —
My Pen, My Voice is just one side of me.