Do you remember what high school was like?

Lifestyle/Personal

I drove past my high school last week and couldn’t believe how different it looked. I remember it being a lot bigger when I went there. It’s been seven years since the last time I walked the halls, ten years since the first time I stepped into the school. I remember being a nervous wreck the few weeks before school started, asking my sister over and over again how to work my lock, how I would find my locker, and if I would be able to go to my locker between classes. I don’t remember what her answers were, but she more than likely told me to just relax.

Do you remember who you were in high school? What you did? How you felt? When I think about the four years I spent walking the same packed hallways, a sea of forest green sweaters and black pants, I remember wondering if anyone noticed me. I always did well in school but making friends and being social took work. I remember the friends that eventually made, every crush that I had, and every single time I was heartbroken. I recall everything being a BIG DEAL, I can still feel my back up against my locker, my friends on either side, judging others and being judged. I remember skipping class for the first time, driving to school for the first time, being kissed for the first time.

I’ve held on to memories of parties I hosted and parties I attended. Silly mistakes and risks taken make me shake my head. I was desperate to belong and to be liked. It’s funny to think back and picture that younger version of me walking the halls. I can smell the desperation leaking from her pores. I want to reach out and hug her, to tell her that it gets better, and then worse, and then awesome. I want to tell her that everything gets a lot harder, but dreams come true. I want to tell her that after high school is over, real life begins. You’ll find out who your friends really are and you’ll feel more comfortable in your own skin. I want to tell her that she will find love and it will be better than she ever dreamed it could be. I want to tell her that one day all her pain and confusion will be a distant memory, a grainy photograph, and a subtle reminder that she lived through it, that she became the best version of herself.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-16762-1367944313-0

– Vanessa

Just Thinking Out Loud…

Lifestyle/Personal, Uncategorized

I’m no one important. I’m not famous. I’m not old or wise – in fact my 23rd birthday is a week away and I feel that I’m too young to say that I’ve lived. I work at a pizza place, I go to school, and I write – all of which I do part-time, the first of which is the only one I get paid for.

But I think that everyone has the ability to impact and influence the life of another human being in a positive way. If I could choose to influence one group of people, it would be teens. Sure they’re scary but I think I’m close enough the their age to remember what it felt like – being young and free (or as free as your parents let you be).

If I could speak to an auditorium full of high school students I would start by saying, “I’ve been there – not decades ago, but recently”.

I’ve been made fun of for being smart, fat, and ugly – which lead me to become shy and always conscious of my weight. I’ve smoked and I’ve drank – neither of which I enjoyed. I’ve lied to my parents and to my friends to get out of doing things, or to do things I shouldn’t be.

I’ve been scared to speak up.

I’ve gotten good grades and nearly failed a few assignments too. I’ve done things worth regretting and I’ve regretted not doing things. I’ve gotten myself into bad situations and I’ve learnt my lesson each time. 

I’ve been there. Everything that happens in high school is temporary. 

  • don’t be afraid to be the best or the worst at something
  • try everything that scares you BUT keep your moral compass in tact
  • pay attention in class but have fun
  • don’t be afraid to make mistakes
  • don’t make fun of people because you really don’t know anything about them 
  • talk to your parents sometimes
  • learn how to fix relationships and friendships, work on them – don’t just throw them away

 Explore and discover your passions. 

Pain is as temporary as high school – make the most of it. 

Love Always 
Vanessa Xo