A year ago today I wrote about hope, rash actions, and going with the flow (who lives in hope, dies in despair!). It’s funny how an entire year can go by and I feel exactly the same. I’m doing the same things, living the same life, and still hoping for something, something I can’t quite grasp. A lot has changed around me: weddings, engagements, babies, new jobs, new homes, but I’m still… standing still in my apron and track pants. So what now? What does VANESSA want and how is she going to get it (I love third person narration)…
… all I want to do is make you proud (mom, dad, grade 8 and 12 English teachers). To live up to whatever it is you thought I was going to become. My dad told me that I want it too much, that I work too hard, and I get in my own way. These visions of perfection, these timelines, these damn dreams that I have are too specific, too demanding. They don’t allow me to see what else is out there — and that’s just sad. They add more pressure and confusion and less FOCUS to my life. I would give ANYTHING to have my career started by my 25th birthday (APRIL 4, 2014 – gifts in the form of books or pretty dresses are appreciated :P) but I said the same thing last year and it hasn’t quite worked out. Instead of having that date set-in-stone, I’ll let it fluctuate (before would be awesome but I’ll take a little after too). The key to getting what I want is to keep my mind open and my fear at bay.
If you hear of any jobs in book and/or magazine publishing (or anything you think might tickle my fancy) let me know!
I’d reward you handsomely with an Internet High-FIVE or a real-life hug!